bunnicula

some unusual goings-on: the morning after

2008-09-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

cut to: the kitchen. peter and toby are drinking coffee and discussing their jobs.

toby: no peter. if you can't duplicate the findings, it's not science.
peter: you're not a scientist; you're a psychologist.

mr monroe enters the kitchen at the exact same time as harold and chester and heads straight for the refrigerator. he opens the refrigerator door.

mr monroe: holy cow!

cut to: a low shot (?) of a surprised and somewhat disgusted mr monroe. he holds a white tomato.
cut to: peter, toby and mr monroe sitting around the table examining the white tomato.

mr monroe: peter, have you been doing any of these experiments on our vegetables?
peter: no, just mice.

cut to: the monroe's driveway. a brand new porshe pulls to a stop. the door opens and it's mrs monroe. she exits the car and walks in the house. and she's wearing sunglasses.
cut to: peter, toby and mr monroe still examining the tomato. mrs monroe, wearing her sunglasses, walks into the kitchen.

mrs monroe: i made partner today so i bought myself a new car. you'd never be able to afford such an awesome car with your weak job.
mr monroe: i think it really is a white tomato. the governor is never going to believe this.
mrs monroe: well, why dont you cut it open and see you idiot. do i have to do everything?

cut to: everyone, animals included, gathered around the table. mrs monroe, still wearing sunglasses, grabs her sharpest knife and slices the tomato in half.

mr monroe: it's a tomato, all right. look at the seeds.
toby: but it's all white.
peter: and it's dry.
mr monroe: well mrs monroe, you're the legal expert: what do you think?
mrs monroe: it's gone bad; through it out and get the animals out of the kitchen.

cut to: harold and chester in the living room.

chester: i can tell you one thing: i got a good look at the tomato and there were some strange marks on the skin.
harold: cant we talk about something else? like our feelings?
chester: so i think they're teeth marks but i've got to read this book tonight to make sure.
harold: how fascinating. and what would that book be?
chester: the mark of the vampire. meet me tonight after everyone has gone to sleep. you may want to take a nap so you can stay up. or i've got some speed if you want.

some unusual going-ons flashback

2008-09-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

cut to: the monroe's backyard. it's the next day. chester sits on the back porch smoking a cigarette. obviously stressed, chester takes like a drag a second. harold walks out the pet-door onto the porch.

chester: that bunny got out of his cage last night.
harold: how do you know it's a boy?
chester: biology.
harold: dont be ridiculous! how could she break through that wire? look how little she is.
chester: that's just it! he didnt break through the wire. bunnicula got out of his cage without breaking anything or opening any doors.

cut to: a title card that says flashback. the same one from earlier. (that's a joke.)
cut to: the hallway. chester is staring at the hands of this giant grandfather clock. he just stares and stares like he's looking past the clock, or perhaps, into the clock's very soul.

harold, the one in the future because we're still in flashback mode so it's kind of like a narration but different than the earlier narrations: why were you staring at the clock? curiosity?
chester, the one in the future etc: no. the clock was telling me something important. something cosmic. i must have gone in a trance or something because i stared at the clock for 45 minutes.
future harold: what was the clock telling you?
future chester: i cant tell you. it's personal.

cut to: chester pov as he darts down the hall, into the living room and straight to bunnicula's cage but bunnicula is nowhere to be found. chester looks around the living room. there's no sign of bunnicula. chester notices a light coming from under the kitchen door. there's a click -- the sound of the refrigerator closing -- and the light goes out.
cut to: a title card that says end flashback.
cut to: chester and harold on the back porch. chester is still smoking.

chester: then someone opens the door from the kitchen side and smashes me in the head knocking me over. as i'm starting to black out i see bunnicula hopping back along to his cage. i lose consciousness before i can see him get back in the cage.

cut to: close up of chester. he takes a long drag from his cigarette and exhales.

chester: i still dont know how he got out, or back in.

cut to: brent creer reading in the park. a cop walks up to brent.

cop: what are you reading? a children's book?
brent: i just found out the man who wrote this is my real father.

some unusual goings-on

2008-09-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

cut to: the monroe's living room. chester is laying on the floor watching tv. the front door flies open. pete and toby, without a look, run right by chester and straight to bunnicula's cage.

harrold narration: i don't see why those kids think that bunny is so great. he can't play catch, he can't fetch. boring. that's what bunnicula is. toby and pete only played with him because he's new and different. i was confident that they'd get over that rabbit and come back to trusty ol' harold. but in the meantime, i needed something to occupy my time. the problem was chester hadn't slept in three nights and started acting weird.

cut to: the kitchen. chester is on the kitchen table with some pills in his paw. he takes the pills right as harold walks in.

harold: what are you taking?
chester: speed.
harold: why are you taking speed?
chester: i dont know yet, but i know there is something funny about that rabbit. that's why i have to stay alert.
harold: so, what have you seen?
chester: nothing yet. that doesn't mean there's nothing to see, if you know what i mean.

cut to: harold wandering around the house looking for someone to play with but everyone is busy playing with bunnicula, taking speed, or, in mrs monroe's case, preparing briefs (because she's a lawyer).

harold narration: the next few days it was the same routine: no one to play with poor, neglected harold.

music in the night

2008-09-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

cut to: brent creer reading in the park.

harold narration: let me tell you a bit about chester; he's not your ordinary cat. but i'm not an ordinary dog; i'm writing this book. chester's quite a character. he reads all the time. like every night.

cut to: harold and chester in the monroe's living room. it's the next day.

chester: that rabbit is creepy.
harold: whatever.
chester: no, seriously. i was up last night reading the fall of the house of usher, have you read that one?
harold: no

cut to: brent creer in the park.

brent creer: i've seen that movie.

cut to: the monroe's living room.

chester: it's good. anyway, i got this chill down my spine. then bunnicula slicked back his ears close to his body, and for the first time, i noticed the peculiar marking on his forehead. what had seemed like an ordinary black spot between his ears took on a strange v-shape, which connected with the big black patch on his back that covered his back and each side of his neck. it looked like he was wearing a coat.

cut to: cut to a close-up of chester.

chester: no, more like a cape.

cut to: the shot before the close-up. then lighting strikes outside the window.

chester: then i heard the weirdest music.
harold: what did it sound like?

cut to: cut to a close-up of chester.

chester: evil.

cut to: a slow zoom on bunnicula in his cage.

chester narration: now, this is the part you won't believe, but as i watched, his lips parted in a hideous smile, and where a rabbit's buck teeth should have been, two little pointed fangs glistened.

the arrival: chocolate cake equals cocaine

2008-07-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

cut to: the living room of the monroe's house. mr and mrs monroe, toby, the other kid, harold and chester are all standing around the coffee table. the basket with the rabbit rests on the table.

pete: ma, toby said he's going to keep the rabbit in his room. that's not fair. he already has harold sleeping in his room.

cut to: dog p.o.v. sniffing around, acting dumb. harold runs down the hall and into to toby's room. toby's laying on his bed with a chocolate cake.

harold narration: toby is a nice kid and all, but it doesn't hurt that he shares his stash with me. it is, after all, at one of those late night parties that i first developed my taste for chocolate cake. and toby has kept me on chocolate cake ever since.

cut to: brent creer reading at the park.

brent creer: so toby's the dog's dealer?

cut to: the monroe's living room with all the monroes standing around the rabbit. like idiots.

toby: but he's mine. i found him.

pete: you mean you sat on him because you're stupid! you can keep that idiot dog in your room, i'm sleeping with the rabbit.

cut to: dog p.o.v. harold bites pete on the leg. there's blood everywhere.
cut to: the monroes and their pets standing around in the living room staring at the rabbit.

mrs monroe: i think the best place for the rabbit is right here in the living room.
pete: hey, we gotta name him.
mr monroe: can't we wait until tomorrow? i've got to meet the governor for breakfast tomorrow.
toby: no way, dad. don't you know that if you dont name an animal immediately, it ends up with attachment disorders.
mr monroe: that's a myth. there haven't been any peer studies to prove your theory.
mrs: monroe: what about princess?
toby: lame.
pete: oh, what about dracula?
toby: stupid. mom, if you name him dracula, that'll be favoritism and i'll be traumatized.
mrs monroe: what about bunnicula? well, guys, is that ok with you?

pete and toby look at each other and smile then look at bunnicula.

mr monroe: that's a great name. ok, it's bed time.

everyone but the animals head off to their respective bedrooms. harold signals chester to join him in the other room.

harold: wow. can you believe they found a rabbit at the movie theater? and what's up with that weird note? do you think it's written in blood? i was hoping it would be just you and me hanging out tonight, you know?

chester: i dont trust that rabbit. he just feels evil.

the arrival flashback

2008-07-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

cut to: a title card that says something like jobs
cut to: mr monroe -- lt governor
cut to: mrs monroe -- lawyer
cut to: pete -- doctor
cut to: toby -- college professor (psychology)
cut to: the living room. just as everything was before the job montage.

toby: harold, just wait til i tell you what happened at the movies!

cut to: a title card that says flashback
cut to: the outside of an old movie theater like you'd imagine on main street usa. it's dark and raining. mysterious. the marquee says dracula. the monroes, shielding themselves from the rain with newspapers, run into the theater.
cut to: the theater. dracula is playing on the screen. bela lugosi is in the middle of telling one of his many jokes in draula. the theater is mostly empty. like maybe ten other people scattered through the seats. the monroes, late again, sit in the back row. toby jumps up from his seat and screams.

mr monroe: stop making a fuss.
toby: but dad, look what someone left.

cut to: a basket in toby's hand. there's a blanket. on the blanket, a bunny. around the bunny's neck, a ribbon. on the ribbon, a note. the note, written in blood but in a totally unfamiliar language.

cut to: a titlecard that says end flashback

the arrival (harold is a dog, chester is a cat)

2008-06-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

cut to: the living room of the monroe's house. harold and chester are lying on the floor in front of the tv. they're watching sone kind of nature documentary. the front door opens. it's mr monroe.

mr monroe: toby! hurry up! the movie starts in ten minutes!

toby walks into the living room

toby: what are you animals watching?

cut to: a close up of the tv. a cheetah is running.
cut to: the living room. the animals are totally ignoring toby because they're so into the tv show.

toby: another boring documentary. i knew it. pay attention chester, you might see one of your relatives. take care of the house harold. you're the watchdog.

toby leaves.

harold narration: that watch dog stuff, i think, is their way of making up for not taking me. as if i wanted to go to the stupid movie anyway. you can't lie down at the movies and still see the screen.

cut to: brent creer reading bunnicula at the park.

brent creer: he's right about that.

cut to: harold and chester watching tv.
cut to: the tv. now it's a tiger chasing a deer.
cut to: harold and chester lying near each other watching tv.

harold: what about her? do you think she's hot?
chester: not my style.

they watch tv in silence for a bit.

cut to: two hours into the future.

then, the front door bursts open. standing in the doorway: mr monroe, mrs monroe, toby and pete. lightning flashes behind them. mrs x is carrying a little bundle -- a little bundle with little sparkling eyes.

mr monroe: do one of you brats want to take this bundle? i need to take of my coat.
pete: i will!
toby: no, i will! i found him!
pete: you're too stupid to take him. you'll probably just drop him.

toby punches pete in the face breaking pete's nose. there's blood everywhere. pete grabs a book off the living room table and throws it at toby. he misses by at least two feet.

toby: nice throw, retard.
pete: i'd like to see you throw a book with a broken nose.
mrs monroe: i'll take him. you boys quit fighting.
toby: harold, you'll never guess what happened to me at the movie theater!

editor's note

2008-06-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

cut to: the office of an editor. so there are like bookcases lining the back wall and on the desk there are a bunch of books and manuscripts and a computer and a stapler and maybe like a picture of the editor's wife and/or mistress. maybe a picture of his wife and mistress together. but that's not important. truelance scholastic sits behind the desk. he looks like an editor. he is looking directly into the camera.

truelance: my name is truelance scholastic.

the name truelance scholastic appears at the bottom of the frame.

interviewer (who isn't seen): and what do you do for a living, mr. scholastic?
truelance: i am a book editor.
interviewer: and did you edit and publish bunnicula?
truelance: yes.
interviewer: how did you come across such a fascinating manuscript?
truelance: a dog brought it to me. he also brought me this letter.

truelance holds up the letter then pulls his reading glasses out of his front shirt pocket. he clears his voice and begins reading the letter.

truelance: gentleman, the enclosed story is true. i changed the names of the family involved to protect their identities. but, in all other respects, everything you read is factual. let me introduce myself. my name is harold. i come to writing purely by chance. my full-time occupation is dog. i live with mr and mrs x and their two sons. also sharing the home is a cat named chester i am pleased to call my friend. we are a typical american family. i hope you find this tale of sufficient interest to yourself and your readers to warrant its publication

interviewer: so a dog wrote this book?
truelance: yes. a dog names harold x.

this is part of the movie

2008-05-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

brent creer -- late twenties, skinny, wearing a windbreaker -- is walking in the park looking at the back cover of a book. it's a long walk. walking. walking. walking. there's a slight breeze and whatever other things i should describe that gives the feeling of parkness. while brent creer walks, we hear different narrators reading their endorsements on the book brent creer holds. i dont have the actual endorsements because i'm at work and dont have the book with me, but i'll add those later. but you know what i'm talking about. "i think this book is great and i promise i didn't get paid to say that (even though i probably did get paid to say that)." that kind of stuff. ok. these are the endorsements on the back of the book we hear:

narrator 1: move over dracula! -- the new york times
narrator 2: the most lovable vampire of all time -- j. gordon melton
narrator 3: if i could read, this novel would give me goosebumps -- nadine, r. l. stine's dog
brent: a dog reviewed this book? without even reading it?

finally, brent creer sits down on a park bench and holds the cover of the book up to his face.

cut to: a close-up of the book cover. bunnicula: today vegetables . . . tomorrow the world. (not the actual book cover, but our version of the book cover which hasn't been drawn yet.)
cut to: a close up of brent's face staring directly into the camera.
cut to: the book cover.
cut to: brent's face.
cut to: the book cover. some creepy music swells.
cut to: brent's face.

brent: here we go.

cut to: brent creer on the park bench opening to the first page of the book.

this isn't part of the movie

2008-05-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

this screenplay probably needs an explanation.
a month ago, i moved into a new house with three dear friends. the house is probably haunted. maybe not, but it's a good bet that someone was murdered in the house. we spent much of our first night in the house in the storage room. the last tenants left a garbage bag full of books. mostly murder mysteries. i'm not into those, but my grandma is.
in the mess of murder mysteries were a couple children's books. one titled bunnicula. i couldn't believe it. someone wrote a kid's book about a vampire-rabbit?
it turns out that almost everyone i knew had read this book in elementary school, but i had never heard of it until that night. so i decided to adapt it into a screenplay featuring homemade puppets for the animals.
this blog is the screenplay.
the only problem is blogs probably aren't the best formats for screen plays. the other problem is i don't know how to write screenplays. but whatever; this book found me for a reason. or that's what i like to believe.